Life without you is hard. Everyday I pick up the phone to call you. It’s been 12 years and I still try to call. Some days I tell myself you just moved away.
I’m not a little girl anymore. I have a family now. I have an amazing husband who treats me like I’m high on a pedestal. I have 4 beautiful children that I would give anything for you to meet. We look through pictures and they ask about you. They hurt that they can’t meet you.
Everyday I think about you. It took me 10 years but I visit you sometimes. It’s hard to see that head stone. That makes it real. Knowing I will never see you again, talk to you, hug you, it kills me.
Mom moved back with grandma. Although I love her it’s not the same. Something about a father and his little girl.
I’m so sorry I made you play that game of basketball with me. I’m sorry that when you collapsed I froze. I’m sorry I thought you were playing around. Maybe if I hadn’t and I didn’t freeze you would still be here. If I could take it back I would.
Everyone said that in time it would get easier…it doesn’t. I feel like it was yesterday that we were sitting in the waiting area at the hospital and the doctor came in to tell us you were gone. I hates myself for a long time. I still do sometimes.
I’m having such a hard time right now. I find myself saying I want my dad, and then the reality that i can’t hits.
It hurts that you didn’t get to see me become an adult, or be there when I got married, or get to watch my kids grow up. I know you would be the one person to help me through my low points and understand what I’m going through. You always did. You always took every situation calmly and rationally.
I hope one day I will see you again. Hug you, hear your voice.
Until we meet again